


I Would Go With Thee

by SteveLovesBucky



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel (Movies)
Genre: Canonical Character Death, Crying Steve, Gaelic Language, Grief/Mourning, Heartbreak, Lost Love, Love, M/M, Men Crying, Songfic, Steve Angst, Steve Needs a Hug, Steve Rogers Feels, Tragic Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-27
Updated: 2013-02-27
Packaged: 2017-12-03 18:43:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 758
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/701430
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SteveLovesBucky/pseuds/SteveLovesBucky
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve/Bucky slash. Songfiction. After Bucky's fall from the train, despite the brave face that he must wear, Steve has lost his will to live. The Scottish Gaelic traditional song "Ailein Duinn" ("O Brown-Haired Alan") has been performed by many, including Capercaillie.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Would Go With Thee

**Author's Note:**

> The Scottish Gaelic folk song "Ailein Duinn" ("O Brown-Haired Alan") was written in 1788; Ailean Moireasdan (Alan Morrison) was a sailor on his way to Scalpay, Harris, to marry his fiancée, Annag Chaimbeul (Annie Campbell), but Ailean's ship sailed into a storm and all on board were drowned. Annag was devastated and she lost her will to live, composing this lament for her dead fiancé; several months after Ailean's death, Annag's body was found on the beach near where Ailean's body was found. This must have been how Steve felt after Bucky's fall from the train...

It was all that Steve could do to finish the mission and capture that bastard Zola, the one who had tortured Bucky and then sent him to his death. Now that he was back at the base, out of uniform, the initial shock was sparked a dull ache in his breast, from his heart. He had taken beatings with sharper physical pain, but this… it shattered the whole of his being, it swallowed him whole and he couldn’t stop crying. It couldn’t be true; it had to be a bad dream. Bucky, his best friend, his childhood sweetheart, his protector, his comrade, his soulmate, the love of his life… he had fallen to his death and Steve had not been able to reach him, to catch him.

He waited eagerly for lights-out, so that he could sleep and forget. But he knew that morning would come. He knew that he would never be ready to awaken again, that he could not face more of this cruel torment. 

_”Bucky, can you ever forgive me for what I failed to do…?!”_ he thought in anguish as he lie in the dark, curled on his side, his face twisted with pain. That the space beside him was now empty nearly destroyed him; he would never again awaken to that beautiful face, the loving smile…

But he couldn’t let it be so obvious. He had to assume an air that he was not as shaken as he was, lest his whole future be forfeit. But then again, he felt himself care less and less. He could not face the morning light, face all that came with it.

_Gura mise tha fo éislean **How sorrowful I am**  
Moch sa mhaduinn is mi 'g éirigh **Early in the morning rising**_

_Sèist:_ **Chorus**  
Ò hì shiùbhlainn leat **Ò hì, I would go with thee**  
Hì ri bhò hò ru bhì  
Hì ri bhò hò rinn o ho  
Ailein Duinn, ò hì shiubhlainn leat **Dark Alan, ò hì, I would go with thee**

Liquor did nothing to help dull the pain. Damn that high metabolism. Although the urge to weep never really left, he could not spare enough tears. The flood of anguish that fought to escape from him just could not leave him fast enough… he couldn’t cry hard enough.

The river valley where Bucky fell, if Steve had not felt so obliged to continue he would gladly have let himself fall with Bucky. A cold, unwelcoming river or not, Steve would gladly have let his body rest where the body of his darling Bucky now rested.

_Ma 's e 'n cluasag dhut a' ghaineamh **If it is thy pillow the sand**  
Ma 's e leabaidh dhut an fheamainn **If it is thy bed the seaweed**_

_Sèist: **Chorus**_

_”I can’t even lay him to rest…!”_ Steve lamented that Bucky’s body now probably lie in an icy riverbed in the remote mountains, beyond his reach. How could the Allies risk more troops to retrieve the dead? No, this was not how it was supposed to be; Bucky was supposed to die of old age, warm and safe in bed, with Steve beside him. It was more than he could bear.

He would gladly have let himself fall and become fodder for the fish, if it meant that he and Bucky could be together in death.

_Ma 's e 'n t-iasg do choinnlean geala **If it is the fish thy candles bright**  
Ma 's e na ròin do luchd-faire **If it is the seals thy watchmen**_

_Sèist: **Chorus**_

Now as he piloted Schmidt’s airship, with Peggy’s frantic voice barely audible through static, Steve resigned himself. He had served his purpose, done his duty. Now he would finally do what he had wanted to do in the weeks since Bucky died.

Taking his dogtags out and opening his secret locket, Steve let his stony façade down as he saw Bucky’s smiling face in the photograph.

_”I love you, Bucky…!”_ he squeaked piteously, his face contorting as he felt hot tears streaking his face. He hoped that the death would come soon and come quickly.

_Dh'òlainn deoch ge b' oil le càch e **I would drink, though all would abhor it**  
De dh'fhuil do choim 's tu 'n déidh do bhathadh **Of thy heart's blood after thy drowning**_

_Sèist:_ **Chorus**  
Ò hì shiùbhlainn leat **Ò hì, I would go with thee**  
Hì ri bhò hò ru bhì  
Hì ri bhò hò rinn o ho  
Ailein Duinn, ò hì shiubhlainn leat **Dark Alan, ò hì, I would go with thee**


End file.
